I don’t care if I’m the smartest. I don’t care if I’m the most popular, the richest, the best looking, or the most talented.
I want to be remembered for being someone who loves passionately. God, friends, life. I want to be remembered as someone who lives a vibrant life of hope, always looking to encourage others.
Talking about it doesn’t do anything. Gotta go live it.
Lately I’ve been thinking more about what it is to be a man. We talked about it in bible study this week for much longer than I was expecting, and it was one of the better discussions I’ve had in a few weeks.
This got me thinking of some of the talks that I heard at SEEK Conference last month about manhood. Dr. Johnathan Reyes did such a great job of comparing the signs that differentiates a boy from a man, and I’d like to share them with you:
This is a challenging list. But I think that it is important that we challenge ourselves and hold ourselves to a high standard (see the self-disciplined part). Are you where you want to be? I know that it’s a struggle. It is much easier to work on your journey to manhood when you do it together with a good friend or two. Share your desire to grow to become a better man with one another. And don’t forget to pray! Ask God to help give you the grace to overcome sinful tendencies.
Make war on sin, and start living like a man. Turn this Tedashii song up!
I talk a lot about people in general and the universal call to holiness, but it is very important that us guys become the men that our society needs.
We need men because:
I have a strong conviction that the devil wants to rid the world of upright men. Without good fathers, society will crumble. (The same thing goes for women, of course, and the family in general. See the pattern: he’s taking them all down!)
I’d love to see men that hold each other accountable, so that we can all strive for virtue together. Stop settling for mediocrity, and start striving for excellence.
Some of my favorite male role models:
St. Joseph- The “quiet” foster father of our Lord. We can learn from him to trust God and our wives and put our family before ourselves in all things, even if it means escaping through a desert to a different country to save them.
St. Maxmillian Kolbe- The “selfless” man. This priest was in a nazi concentration camp when another man with a family was going to be killed. St. Maximillian offered to take the man’s place and died by starvation. We can learn from him how we must always put others before ourselves, even complete strangers.
St. Peter- The first pope that always messed up. St. Peter was bold and brash, and often made foolish decisions, like denying Jesus THREE times. But despite his mistakes, he had a strong faith and always strove to do what was right. He died a martyr for the faith by being crucified upside down in Rome. We can learn from St. Peter that we all mess up, but we must cling to our faith in Jesus first and foremost before everything else.
Men of the world,
If you want to make a difference, you’re going to have to get off of the couch and take risks. What worthy pursuits are there that do not require a risk?
In order to become a great football player, you have to risk injury in games, practices, and workouts. If you don’t get off of the bench, you can’t help your team win.
In order to be successful in business, you have to take a risk, whether that is in starting a new company, hiring a new coworker, or deciding which plan of action to take in dealing with a problem.
In order to marry the girl of your dreams, you’ll have to put your pride on the line and ask her out in the first place. Tough enough. And even at that, you’ll probably have to go through a few unsuccessful dating relationships before you find the one. Not to mention the potential difficulties that come with marriage in the first place. (Want to be a great dad? Put yourself last, forgive quickly, look to help others before yourself, have clear communication with your wife, see things from others point of view too)
Just to love itself takes risk. There’s no way around taking the risk out of love, as much as people try. If there wasn’t a chance of hurt and heartbreak, how could it be called love? Love without risk is more like “liking,” it doesn’t satisfy. Nobody is just satisfied with “liking” someone but rather experiencing and loving someone, whether that is a friendship or a relationship.
Really, isn’t it the risk that shows just how much you love, how much you care? Didn’t it mean a lot more when Michael Jordan played through the flu in game 5 of the 1997 NBA finals against the Utah Jazz than game 6, even though he scored more points in game 6 and they won the championship? People remember game 5 more than game 6, even though that was the clinching game. And of course there’s the stories about the sacrificial love of parents for their children: they’ll die horrible deaths just to save their children.
The risks you take in life will show the world how well you love. Man up, bite the bullet, and make the world a better place, no matter what the world might do back to you.
The following is a guest post by Vincent Kania, seminarian for the Diocese of Joliet.
When we have begun to embrace a life of purity and chastity, I have found that we are able to better understand love, and so develop deeper and more meaningful friendships with others of both sexes. As we come closer to others, we can run into problems concerning how we should interact with the opposite sex so that we can further live out purity and chastity in an emotional sense. As we strive for this, I believe our objective should be to develop meaningful friendships in which we can lead each other to Christ.
Although we must make sure to respect others and be concerned for their thoughts and feelings, I don’t think this goal can be achieved through scrupulosity or gloominess. An honest and well-intentioned friendliness and joy will go much further for developing healthy and fulfilling friendships and relationships than being excessively reserved. God made us to interact with each other and to find enjoyment in these friendships and relationships, so we should embrace God’s gifts and thank Him for his generosity. But we do need to have an awareness of ourself and others so that we can live with integrity as we pursue friendships and relationships. Here’s a couple of practical considerations to keep in mind:
Our objective was to develop friendships in which we can lead one another to Christ. Union with Christ is our goal and must always be our goal. And we must understand that only in union with Him can we realize our true selves. Pope John Paul II calls it an “interior independence” in which we find our strength, dignity, maturity, and confidence by the side of Christ. We must seek to understand the truth about ourselves, about our fallen nature and our need for love, and respond to this truth by seeking a relationship with Christ alone. When we come close to Him we can be set free from “love as necessity, restriction, mere occasion, or eroticism” and come to know that Love which will fulfill our deepest selves.[1] Once we have found Christ and always seek Him as our ultimate fulfillment, then we can open ourselves to real friendships with one another, free from jealousy, fear, and despondency. Our former Holy Father concludes:
“So the only thing I can tell you is that you should draw closer and closer to Christ, and not just superficially as a passing frame of mind, but with your whole heart, your whole being and your whole life. Seek Him and draw closer to Him….“In the path of love which life entails, always remember that above every love there is one Love. One Love. Love without constraint or hesitation. It is the love with which Christ loves each one of you.” [2]
In honor of the Solemnity of St. Joseph, it’s a fantastic day for another post on manhood, specifically fatherhood!
So I’d like to start by stating that many of the issues that we like to talk about nowadays are “women’s issues.” But as much as they might be seen as “woman’s issues,” many of these issues are created by the failures of men and fathers.
For example, the problem of abortion is created by a lack of maturity by men. The choice of having sexual relations with a woman is a major choice that you don’t just do for fun. No, a man should recognize that this action naturally could lead to pregnancy, and with that a greater call to self sacrifice for the mother of his child and his child.
The problem of prostitution and pornography is also created by a lack of self control by men. These “industries” hurt both women and men by treating women as objects of pleasure instead of dignified human beings and trapping men in addictions that are very hard to break. This openness that our society has to these industries also makes it hard for men to remember to treat all women with respect and dignity.
The problem of children growing up fatherless is quite obviously failure on the part of men. What a horribly selfish crime it is that a man would help bring a child into the world, in what is perhaps the most intimate act on earth, only to never be a part of raising and caring his child?
Many children may have fathers but they do not spend enough time with them. I found a fantastic study from the US Department of Health and Human Services on the impact of fathers on children here, that I will be referencing for the rest of this post. According to the study, the way that children see their father treat their mother goes a long way in how they learn to treat others themselves. Sons learn from the good example of their fathers to treat women with respect and dignity at all times, and daughters learn from their fathers’ example how they should be treated by men as they grow up. The study even shows how fathers who do not control their anger or treat their wives with respect often father children who are anxious, withdrawn, or anti-social. On the academic side, the study shows that children whose biological fathers are highly involved in their lives have higher IQ scores and get better grades. The study even notes how it is important for children to be raised not just in a household of cohabitating parents but in a household of married parents. The sad truth is that if the parents are not married yet even though they are living together, it is much less likely that they will ever get married. And if they don’t get married, it is much less likely that they will stay together. Men need to man up and commit, for the sake of their wives and children! The last issue that the study addresses is how children with an involved father are more emotionally and socially secure and outgoing, especially as youths. These children are less likely to suffer from depression or get involved with crime and drugs.
All Christians are called to priestly, prophetic, and kingly roles. As men, we are specifically called to provide for our families and those in need, to teach and instruct others, and to lead in what we say and do. We must follow the example of our Lord Jesus Christ, thinking of others first and ourselves last. It is very important in our modern age, where we see a void of strong and selfless men in society, that we encourage each other and challenge each other to man up and start living for others instead of ourselves. By doing this, we will be addressing many of the current hot topic issues of our society right at the source.
St. Joseph, pray for us, that we may be men of faith, love, and courage, caring for all of the women, children, and needy in our lives!
Nobody.
Let me give you two profound examples from the past few days. In the first, I finally had the courage to have each of the guys in my bible study meet with me in the campus chapel for a little bit. What I wanted to do was to ask them in a more intimate setting how their faith was and if they knew Jesus. It was some really powerful stuff, they opened up and were honest with me, and through my tough awkward questions and their honesty, I was able to help them out a little bit and help them develop a game plan to help them grow in their faith lives. Praise the Lord! In my second example, just this morning I was praying at Planned Parenthood with our local sidewalk counselor and my friend Lauren when a man came up to us. This man really went at us as soon as we explained what we were standing there for, even saying that there aren’t enough abortions because of overpopulation. A few of his old girlfriends had had abortions because of him, and he was very much opposed to those who he called “anti-choicers.” But then our wonderful sidewalk counselor, God bless her, started talking with him very calmly and helped him to see the other side of the picture a little more clearly. We especially had a lot of progress with the point that since he was a secular humanist, he should be more open to protecting ALL humans, including the unborn. Through our dialogue, we earned his respect and he himself said that he respected what we were doing and wished us well. And he even gave us some prayer intentions so that we could pray for him! Please pray for him, his name is Scott. And get this: Scott recognized Lauren from the daily bread ministry, which Joy also used to work at and I weekly volunteer with. See!? Charities bring people together! It is through service and peaceful dialogue that we can come together and form strong friendships and help there be just a little bit more love in the world.
There are so many times in life where I have the opportunity to start up a good conversation, to ask a deep question, to go out of my way to help a stranger in need, and something gets in the way. It’s more than just being shy, but that’s what I’m going to call it for now. I don’t think that it’s healthy to live your life being too shy. What’s that going do for you anyways? No. Wrong question. More importantly, what’s that going to do for OTHERS? It’s not about us. When you’re on your deathbed and you’re looking back on your life, what are you going to think of? What do you want to be remembered for? I don’t know about you, but I want to be remembered for living my life to the fullest, by loving God and serving Him and by loving others and serving them to the best of my abilities. By the way, that’s the meaning of life. Check out the very first lines of the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
“God, infinitely perfect and blessed in himself, in a plan of sheer goodness freely created man to make him share in his own blessed life. For this reason, at every time and in every place, God draws close to man. He calls man to seek him, to know him, to love him with all his strength. He calls together all men, scattered and divided by sin, into the unity of his family, the Church. To accomplish this, when the fullness of time had come, God sent his Son as Redeemer and Savior. In his Son and through him, he invites men to become, in the Holy Spirit, his adopted children and thus heirs of his blessed life.”
Boss. That’s some beautiful stuff right there.
So what are we called to do? We’re called to become CHILDREN of GOD and HEIRS of GOD! Sick nasty man! And that brings me back to my point. How in the world are we participating in this lifestyle by holding back and worrying about what others think of us? Others may have the power to hurt us and oppress us in this life, but they have NOTHING on us eternally. The only opinion that really matters is God’s, and He kinda thinks we’re cool..
Yea! God came to us in the incarnation, Jesus Christ, and He died for us, each and every single one of us individually. He loves us so much! So my point.. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER worry about what people think about you. God loves you, and there could be nothing better.
For this reason, we should not be afraid to stick our neck out a little. Do it for the Lord. When we do this, we will open up opportunities that we never could have had before. There are so many friendships that we can have, so many fantastic experiences of charity and love, so many things to learn and experience! And if we’re shy, we’re holding back on all of this potential.
We have so much to share with each other if only we let ourselves. Let your love be strong and live life to the fullest.
“The glory of God is man fully alive” -St. Irenaeus
Tomorrow is Unofficial St. Patrick’s Day at the University of Illinois. This tradition only dates back about 16 years, but students and faculty treat it like it belongs with Christmas and Halloween on the calender. Sometimes classes are even canceled because of this event, which officially doesn’t mean a thing. The reason why it was created was because St. Patrick’s Day often falls during spring break here at the U of I, and the owner of a bar decided that he didn’t want to lose all of that extra revenue that St. Patrick’s Day usually brings for the bars. And now, 16 years later, it’s turned into a full 24+ hours of drunkenness, promiscuity, and immaturity. The whole campus is trashed by Saturday morning. Oh, and at least 2 people have died because of these “festivities.” Yea, it’s not a fun time. The event basically encourages people to misbehave: I even have TAs that joke about bringing alcohol to academic meetings with professors.
Yes, I do not like Unofficial St. Patrick’s Day. But that isn’t really my point for this post.
My point is that Christians shouldn’t get drunk. Let’s be really specific here: there is nothing wrong with drinking alcohol when you are of age. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about drunkenness.
What does drunkenness say about yourself? It says that I really don’t care about myself and how I behave myself. It says that all I really want is a little high right now, and I don’t care what happens later. It says that I’m willing to put myself in the position to make some bad choices and I don’t care. It says a lot of bad things. Drunkenness is the fastest track to becoming an alcoholic, too.
Since this post is aimed mostly at Christians (I’ll get back to our explaining God and revelation stuff in my next few posts, promise!), I’ll assume you’ll listen to scripture:
“Woe to you who give your neighbors a flood of your wrath to drink, and make them drunk, till their nakedness is seen! you are filled with shame instead of glory; drink, you too, and stagger! On you shall revert the cup from the Lord’s right hand, and utter shame on your glory.” -Habakkuk 2:15-16
“Who, then, is the faithful and prudent servant, whom the master has put in charge of his household to distribute to them their food at the proper time? Blessed is that servant whom his master on his arrival finds doing so. Amen, I say to you, he will put him in charge of all his property. But if that wicked servant says to himself, ‘My master is long delayed,’ and begins to beat his fellow servants, and eat and drink with drunkards, the servant’s master will come on an unexpected day and at an unknown hour and will punish him severely and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be wailing and grinding of teeth.” -Matthew 24:45-51 (This is Jesus speaking!)
“Beware that your hearts do not become drowsy from carousing and drunkenness and the anxieties of daily life, and that day catch you by surprise like a trap.” -Luke 21:34 (This is Jesus speaking!)
“And do not get drunk on wine, in which lies debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, ..” -Ephesians 5:18
I’d like to challenge every Christian, especially the men, to avoid drunkenness to the best of your ability. We are to be in the world but not of it! This is me challenging you to a higher standard of living, not giving in to these whimsical and fleeting pleasures but rather to run the race to win, with our eyes fixed on the prize, heaven. It is tough, but together we can work together to overcome these desires. Ask the Lord for His grace to persevere. Let’s become sober men in Christ. We will only become better leaders, fathers, workers, neighbors, sons, and brothers by doing this, and help make the world a better place.
More scripture to check out:
Proverbs 20:1
Proverbs 23:29-35
Luke 1:15
Romans 13:11-14
Romans 14:21
1 Corinthians 6:10
Galatians 5:16-21
Houston, We Have a Problem.
There is a void in our society. I think it is safe to say I mean western society in general. It affects sons, daughters, wives, neighbors, and friends. It is undeniable that it has steadily become worse over time.
This void is the lack of strong male leadership. It is most evident to see this deficiency when you turn on the tv. Who’s offered as role models for boys? You have Homer Simpson and Co from the sitcom world, who are generally lazy and inattentive to their families. You have Kobe Bryant and Tiger Woods from the athletic world, both unfaithful to their wives. You have politicians like Bill Clinton and Herman Cain who were also unfaithful. Lil Wayne and Drake are two rappers that most boys idolize growing up, with lyrics like “I might go crazy on these ***** I don’t give a **********, run up the ***** house and shoot his grandmother up, what” and “sometimes I need that romance, sometimes I need that pole dance, sometimes I need that stripper thats gon’ tell me that she don’t dance.”
It is easy enough to illustrate the problem, but how do we fix it? What does manhood really look like nowadays?
A real man treats others, especially women, with respect. A real man’s word is true. A real man seeks to help those in need. A real man takes initiative in the workplace and at home, always lending a hand. A real man is forgiving and just. A real man knows that to love means to sacrifice of yourself for others, not just to have passionate feelings towards another. A real man keeps his head when the going is rough.
An example of a real man nowadays is Mark Wahlberg. Check out this clip of him with Piers Morgan:
We need more real men like Mark Wahlberg. These men will make great fathers, husbands, leaders, and role models. They will teach their sons how to treat women well. They will teach their daughters how they aught to be treated. They will do everything that they can support their wives. Men, I challenge you to step up to the plate and become real men.
